Monday, July 22, 2013

Three Months

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, 
for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. 
Helen Keller

Monday April 22, 2013 
Monday July 22, 2013

Exactly three months ago I sat at the bedside of my mother as she slipped from this life just before dawn. Life goes on as usual in many ways but I still miss our nightly conversations on Skype and her rounds on Facebook. Social media was important as her physical world became smaller and smaller. I see her in the faces of my patients, in books I read and in movies I watch. A friend recommended the classic movie Tokyo Story and I viewed it on a hot evening last week. The  family’s story transcended time and culture and left me in tears at the end in shared loss. Grief does not leave us suddenly. 

I brought home a little devotional book Mom used every morning. She marked a couple of  special pages with bits of tissue in the painful months before she died. One was entitled, “Anticipating a Glorious Future” and the scripture was from Romans 8:18.

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing 
with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 

There has been a slate of deaths amongst our friends since my mother’s passing, three of them very prematurely and tragically. It is impossible to feel the depth of another’s pain but the acknowledgement of loss by others is comforting. Friends gave us the Hibiscus plant pictured above that is now blooming heavily and beautifully. My co-workers gave me a gift certificate from a local nursery and I am planning a butterfly garden in Mom’s memory. As soon as it is a little cooler I will put in perennials that will bloom next year. 

Like a seed or root in the ground, death gives way to life and hope eternal. 


  1. A fine quote and you'll have a garden of memories as well.

  2. Ruth--I completely understand your feeling--acceptance, recognition of reality, grief and loss all bound up with memory. Memories stay with us, though the keenness slowly fades.

  3. We will miss our Mother's forever, yet ever hold their memories in our heart and soul.

  4. The memories stay with us forever and that is good. Cherish each one.

  5. Ruth, I imagine it will take quite some time to get over your loss and it will probably never go away completely. I can't even imagine my life without my mother, though I know one day I will have to face it just like you. My mom loves butterflies as well. I hope your butterfly garden is a success. I am sending you a hug. I hope you can feel it. I know your mother's love is always with you, but it's not the same as being able to see her face or hear her voice. Still, I am sure that you are thankful for all the time you did have with her. Hang in there.

  6. Blessings to you, Ruth. I feel like I'm looking into my future as I read your posts on loss. I'm thankful for my belief in an eventual reunion in "that great gettin' up mornin'," as the Negro spiritual goes.

  7. Three months! Time does have a way of marching on. I just returned from a visit with my own 99 year old Mom. She looked so much weaker/frailer this time and I know that at any time I could get "the" call. I jokingly say that I will be an orphink then ... but in reality I will really miss the knowledge and the assurance that she is loving me in the here and now (even if she isn't all together with it) and the periodic visits. No one loves you quite like your Mom! A memorial garden is a nice place to retreat to with your memories of good times past.

  8. I'm not sure we ever get over the loss of a mother. After 2 years, I still feel the sadness when something happens that I'd like to share with her, then I realize she's gone to heaven now, not available for a call.
    But her love and interest still seems to be with me, and I'm glad for that.

  9. Hi Ruth-
    I can relate to everything your saying. My Mom is in a hospital bed at home not having eaten for almost a month yet she continues to surprise us by finding sudden bursts of strength and energy. After days of not stirring she woke up and had specific things to say to all of us both personal and spiritual in nature.It gives us mixed feelings to see her with a body that is only skin and bones but she is saying some amazing things in her last days that show strength,wisdom, love, and humor.

  10. Anonymous9:12 pm GMT-4

    Beautiful Ruth. Romans 8:18 is a great comfort that our human minds can't comprehend. The glory we will see when we meet our Saviour is worth persevering for in our times of sorrow. Thankful your mom knew the One true God and is now worshipping in the throne room!

  11. Oh Ruth... I'm sorry! I didn't know you'd lost your mother recently. Blessings to you as you remember.


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